Painful Regret

       The Burn Journals is certainly a thought provoking memoir, which not only examines the idea of suicide, but it reflects upon decision-making in life and the effects in may have on every aspect. Runyon is very depictive as he analyzes his situation and starts to dwell on certain points in the story, but at the same time he leaves others aside, telling only what he feels is necessary for the reader to know. The short sentences he uses, such as “I’m following him. He hands me the phone and runs off. There’s a woman on the phone asking me questions” (p. 17), add mystery and suspense to the event.

       I found it very interesting to see how Brent Runyon began to assume things after the incident in the locker room occurred. The more he assumed the farther away he was from what could actually be the case. For example, when “She stares at me for a few seconds. ‘Okay, you can go.’ I get up and walk out of the office. She knows that I did it.” (p. 15) The vice-principal could or could not have known the truth at that time, but Brent supposed she did, and made a decision he would later painfully regret. Sometimes I do the same thing. I start to infer what other people might be thinking about something I did, and then what they might say to me, and then the way they will act around me. These compound assumptions will deviate you from the correct path. The best thing to do is don’t infer something unless it is somehow proven.

       Although Brent thought he had gone over all his choices and was making the correct decision in attempting suicide, he later recognizes that he would have preferred to be expelled from school than to be in such a horrible condition in the hospital. Unfortunately, this is what happens. I also feel that sometimes you do not see all the available paths before you make a decision, only the ones that you are obstinate with. It is after the consequences fall over you that the alternatives come to your mind, even though they are now useless. It is very important to mention that you only get to distinguish the people who really care about you in harsh conditions. For instance, Stephen, who was supposed to be Brent’s best friend, “doesn’t sound as excited as I thought he would.” (p. 44) Stephen should be the first one to visit Brent and give him all his support in such a situation. Instead, it was mostly the girls who provided him with all the encouragement and care he wanted. Brent is now truly finding out the support from his parents, which he had doubted at some point and is being revealed who stays by his side in school and who has already moved on and forgotten him.